How lazy do you have to be…

It’s a bitch thinking of things to write on here, sometimes.

Last week I hit a random blog and it was funny as hell. Unfortunately, it hadn’t been updated in a month, so I dropped a comment.

Her reply, which was as equally witty as the blog, was…

I think about writing in this damn thing every day, but then I start thinking about cheese (or something equally important) and forget to jumpstart the computer and get ta writin’.

For me, that is spot on.

Everyday I think of something I should write in here, and every time I go to do it, either the words fail me, or I forget.

But sometimes, sometimes man, people make it easy. Like yesterday.

Yesterday I hit Charbucks to do a little coffee drinking and a little brainstorming for a blog. I had three themes rolling in my head…

-The first time I remember being told I love you – not as hokey as it sounds.
-My attraction to women that are unobtainable – as hokey as it sounds and not what you think.
-The day I found God – not a chance, fuckers. Oh, I believe in God. I have a close relationship with Him. I just hate the church. Passionately.

And none of these themes were working for me. So I left empty handed.

And that’s when I saw it. My blog entry.

I was heading to my truck when I noticed a lady waiting for a car to leave so she could park. That in itself seems okay, but there were things she was doing that were just flat out ignorant.

The first was she wasn’t even in the parking lane waiting for this car to leave. She was on the main strip (the spot she was waiting for was a front-row-Joe). Normally not much of an issue, but the people leaving were taking their time, thus causing people to line up Ms. Ignorance.

Now, normally this would no big deal. Hell, she’s waiting for a good spot. But when the jeep that was behind her pulled around her and parked TWO SPOTS DOWN from the car leaving, I just watched in amazement. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be surprised, but it gets worse.

The car behind the jeep went around this dumb bitch and parked in a spot FOUR SPOTS DOWN from the car leaving (who, by the way, was still sitting there, occupants outside of the vehicle, still dicking around).

I got in my truck, which was five spots down from the car leaving, and left. My spot was immediately taken by the car behind the car behind the jeep.

And that bitch was still waiting for the spot.

Seriously, how fucking lazy do you have to be to hold up traffic so you don’t have to walk about ten extra feet.

Good thing breathing is automatic or this bitch would have suffocated long ago.

Oh. Wait. Maybe that’s not a good thing. It would get rid of some of the riffraff.

She’s to blame, or thank…

I was over my sister’s house last weekend for a cookout and one of her friends took this picture for me.

I honestly can’t remember the last time my sister and I took a picture together.

She made my first 16 years a living hell, so she’s the one to blame (or thank) for some of the stories on this blog.


Why she’s shoving her baps at me, I have no idea.

What I should tell the police…

My roommate is going to a concert in Atlantic City this weekend.

She is supposed to come back Saturday afternoon and catch a movie with a bunch of us and she informed me that if she didn’t call me before the movie started, with some legitimate reason why she was going to be late, for me to call the police.

I asked what she would like me to tell the police, if I had to call them.

Her reply…

Say, “My roommate went to Atlantic City and thinks I actually care about her whereabouts. She hasn’t returned home, and said if she didn’t for some legitimate reason, she would call. She hasn’t. I’m supposed to think the worst and get someone looking for her. Really, I don’t give a shit, I’m just worried that she WILL eventually return home okay, and then sic her brother and father on me for not calling you guys. Now I’ve made the call, and my hands are clean. It’s on you. When you find her, please tell her I expect to be compensated for the money this phone call is going to cost me, plus an hour of my time at my overtime rate. Please don’t call me with any info, as I have a life and don’t want to be disturbed, unless it’s to tell me she’s dead so I can kick her cats out. Thanks.”

Yeah. I’m good with that.

I couldn’t help but laugh…

I saw a car yesterday with a flat tire. The tire that was flat was the spare tire.

Think about it, what the hell did this poor bastard do to piss off the gods to deserve that?

I figure he was one of those idiots that rides the left lane without passing–holding people up–and he was smote down for it.

I couldn’t help but laugh.