This shit is insane…

So over the Thanksgiving holiday, I was hanging out with a good friend of mine, and we were talking about relationships.

In particular, we were talking about how my last two girlfriends broke up with me, then got upset with me because I didn’t “fight for them.”

In my defense, the first girlfriend I didn’t want to fight for. She broke up with me, I let her go. It was over. Plus she was cheating on me–I had a good idea at the time she was doing it, I just chose to ignore it. It was confirmed by a friend of hers after our break up. No biggie.

The second girlfriend, though, made her own choices. She broke up with me over the phone and said she was going to look for someplace else to live (we were living together). I asked her not to move out until I got home and we could talk about it (I was away on business at the time). She said she’d think about it.

Long story short, I asked if she wanted to talk about it. She said no, there was nothing to talk about. I asked if she wanted me to move out for some time. She said no, that wouldn’t help. I asked her not to sign a short term lease, she said no, it was over. I asked numerous times what the issues were, she said numerous times there was nothing to talk about, it was over.

Finally, I said fuck it, bye. There are way too many women in this world for me to try to make one happy when they won’t even tell me what the problem is.

But here’s the pisser, about a month after the break up, she comes to my house to pick up the remainder of things and she starts an argument. I told her she could leave because I didn’t have to argue with her anymore.

She said, “You know what gets me?”

“What?” I said, sighing. I was so tired.

“You didn’t even fight for me.” She replied, and left.

What the fuck? She broke up with me. She told me numerous times there was nothing I could do because it was over. She took a year lease when a six month was available (something she told my sister, who told me).

So I told this to Staci (my friend).

Her reply?

“Did you send her flowers?”

“What? No. I mean I used too. But not after she said she wanted to end the relationship.”

“Why not?”

“Because she acted like there was nothing I could do. She didn’t want to talk about it. Fuck it. I’m not going to beg someone to stay with me.”

“You didn’t fight for her,” Staci said, laughing.

“What the fuck? I asked her at least three times to work it out. She told me at least three times there was nothing to work out. What is wrong with you women?”

“Sometimes we like to test you guys.” Staci said.

“Test? How fucking old are you?” I wasn’t mad, this was fascinating.

“Test you. To make sure you love us. We want to make sure you mean what you say.”

“Oh fuck that,” I said. “That’s fucking insecure. If someone finds the need to test my sincerity, fuck them. I’ll find someone else.”

“Maybe, that’s why you’re single,” she said.

“Maybe,” I replied.

Fuck, man. I may be single, but at least I don’t have drama in my life.

Christ. The first secure woman I find that I’m attracted to, likes to travel, digs horror movies, won’t make fun of my pussy-ass cider drink of choice and trusts me without testing me, I’m going to marry.

This shit is insane.

Maybe it’s y’alls fault it sucks…

In the last entry, I said I needed to thank some people. So here it is:

First and foremost, a big thanks to Ron goes out. I would have never been aware of NaNoWriMo if he didn’t bring it to my attention. I would have never have done it if he hadn’t had been such a damn nagging Nancy. I’m glad I succumbed to the peer pressure.

Before I go into the other thanks, it should be mentioned that in the book (novella) I wrote, all of the characters were based on people I knew.

I’d also give a shout out to Tom and Tressa.

Tom because he answered a bunch of stupid questions without mockery. I was going to do something cool with the “Tom” character, but I ran out of words. And I’m not going back to it. Maybe next year.

Tressa because her character pretty much carried the first half to 3/4 of the book (novella). What was originally supposed to be a character that worked at a coffee shop, it developed into something completely different, someone I loved to write. I don’t know what Tressa had to do with that, but she gets credit nonetheless.

Ron, Tom and Tressa are the only cats that knew I was doing this, and they kept it to themselves. I appreciate that. I wanted very few people to know what I was doing and they found out by accident (with the exception of Ron). The reason being is the more people that knew, the more support I would get. I didn’t want support, though. I wanted to do this on my own, or as much on my own as I could. Plus I didn’t want to talk about it too much while I did it.

Lastly, but not leastly, are the people who are in the book (novella) in one way or another. You guys obviously influenced me enough to write about in some way. In no order other than alphabetical:

Dan (DJ)
Eric (Hitman)
Matt (squ1d)
Milos (Mairosu) – I went with Chow Yun Fat.
Nicki (freakmagnet)
Ron (neon)
Rosie (GG) – thanks for trusting me.
Tom (shiki)
Tressa (uh, Tressa)

With special appearances/mentions by:

Chris (sham)
Andy (Blonde)
Fred (West)
Krystal (uh, Krystal)

And, just to be a complete ass, no, you can’t read it. This, like most things in my life, was just done for me.

That said, thanks for the motivation, guys and gals. The book (novella) pretty much sucks and I shall keep the sucktitude to myself, thanks. But credit should still go where credit is do.


Maybe it’s y’alls fault it sucks.

Something to think about.

I still don’t consider myself a writer…

Sometime in September, my buddy Ron emailed me and told me to do this.

I told him maybe.

He said “DO IT!”

I told him maybe.

About two weeks before the start of November, Ron emailed me again telling me to buy some book by the creator of NaNoWriMo. I did.

I didn’t read past the first two chapters, but those first chapters were very well written. I just put it down and forgot about it.

About a week before the start of November, Ron emailed me again and told me to do Nano.

I told him no.

He said “Do it!”

November first rolled around. I started doing Nano.

Here’s how it goes (for those who didn’t click the links up there):

Write 50,000 words in one month.

That’s about 1667 words a day.

That’s a lot of writing.

A fuck of a lot of writing.

I went in with high expectations. I had a half ass story in my head that I figured I could develop into something more. It was about vampires and werewolves and ESP and all kinds of crazy shit. But the funny thing is, I never really got to the werewolves. Or the vampires. Or the ESP. My characters did a whole lot of running around doing nothing but eating and drinking and carrying on.

It became obvious that I should have had some sort of outline, because that damn novel (novella?) was all over the place.

But, in the end, I did it and I’m happy I did. I learned a lot.

I still don’t consider myself a writer, and this whole exercise reinforced my belief about the poemboi.

I also have a new found respect for the authors out there. I never thought writing was easy (hell, my three page reviews get very tough at times), but, damn, I never realized how tough it was.

There are people to thank and people to mention, but I wrote 5,000 words today, under pressure from Ron, just so I could finish that damn project.

I’ll get to those people tomorrow. I’m done writing for today.

We tried…

My family is so fucked up.

Back when I was ten or so, I remember getting into an argument with my sister at the dinner table.

We were going back and forth until my sister said, “God, mom. Why didn’t you put him up for adoption!”

“We tried,” my mom said.

“But nobody would take him,” my dad finished.

“Great,” my sister said. “So we’re stuck with him.”

I ran to my room in tears.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody.