Here she comes. Just like an angel…

Got this from Ace who got it from Norman and on and on.

1. How did you get the idea for your profile name?

Because when you do a search for “Alien Redrum” on google, with the exception of two sites, all of it is me.

Also, I like sci/fi, I like King. It’s really quite simple

2. What song are you playing now, or wish you were playing?

Nelson, “Love and Affection.” That song gives teh gay, but it makes me laugh and has been in my head for days.

3. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?


4. What colour underwear are you wearing?

Gray boxer briefs. The comfort of a boxer, the support of a brief.

5. Do you want a baby?

Yes. Not now, but in the future. The Stewie bloodline is very important. Much like Jesus’.

6. What does your dad do for a living?

Retired phone company man.

7. What does your mum do for a living?

Thinks of ways to slip in things like “When are you getting married?” and “When are you going to give me a grandchild?” into any conversation with me.

8. What is/are your pet’s name(s)?

Mr. Jingles. But he’s Nicki’s cat, now.

9. What colour are your bed sheets?

I think brown and white. Not really sure as I changed them recently and forgot what I put on there.

10. What are the last 3 digits of your phone number?

253, or ALD.

11. What was the last concert you went to?

Gin Blossoms and Live.

12. Who was with you?

Jafo, Ace and Jafo’s at-the-time woman.

13. What was the last film you watched?

The Descent. It rocked.

14. Who do you dislike most at this moment?

The cocksucking president. That “p” is not capitalized on purpose.

15. What food do you crave right now?

A PB&J sandwich.

16. Did you dream last night?

No. The night before I did, and it was going to be the best book ever when I wrote it down, but I forgot it when I woke up.

17. What was the last TV show you watched?

“The Unit.” The name makes me laugh, but the show is good.

18. What is your fav piece of jewelery?

I guess my necklace because it’s the only piece I wear. Oh, and my Prince Albert.

Okay, that’s a lie. I made myself squirm on that one.

19. What is to the left of you?

A wall full of various horror movie postcards from the dork conventions I attend.

20. What was the last thing you ate?

A little debbie strawberry cupcake thing on the way to work.

21. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?

Freak and Carrie come to mind immediately. Rosie’s a cool cat who I always look forward to talking to and Lesley is certainly on the fast track, but I don’t know if you can really count yourself in an alternate universe as your friend, but I can’t dwell on it too much or my head will explode so we’ll let it go and count her.

22. Who last MSN’d you?

See previous post. And Lesley is currently on.

23. Where is your significant other right now?

Internet pr0n.

24. Do you have a crush?


25. What is his/her name?

Hot Women.

26. When was the last time you had your hair cut?

2 weeks ago. I’m due, but my haircutter is out having a baby. I wish she had kept her legs closed because I’m the one who’s suffering here. And, don’t worry, she knows how I feel about this whole her having the baby thing.

27. Are you on any meds?

No, but I think I should be.

28. Do you have a mental disease?

ADD and OCD.

29. What shirt are you wearing?

A green polo shirt. I hate collars.

30. Are you sexy?

Fuck yeah.

31. What’s your favourite store?

Like Ace and Lesley, bookstores with coffee shops.

32. Are you thirsty?

Just for passion.

Oh God, I made myself gag with that one.

33. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married?


34. Who’s someone you haven’t seen in a while and miss?

Carrie (and her family) and Mykl.

35. Where do you work?

In a cube.

I told her…

acme_generica: hi… annyone there?

Alien_Redrum1947: ZOMG yes!
Alien_Redrum1947: hi!

acme_generica: oh your there 🙂 hi….

Alien_Redrum1947: a/s/l

acme_generica: a/s/l (age srx location)?

Alien_Redrum1947: 47/bi/mom’s basement
Alien_Redrum1947: you?

acme_generica: im 27/f/USA. was lookin at your profile. thought you might like to chat.
acme_generica: so wwhat have you been up to alien_redrum1947?
acme_generica: cool. i was just hangin out watching tv. i was getting kinda horny 🙂 (*blushew)

Alien_Redrum1947: bot
Alien_Redrum1947: bot
Alien_Redrum1947: bot
Alien_Redrum1947: boYOU ARE A BOT
Alien_Redrum1947: YOU ARE A BOT

acme_generica: bot? whats that? some kind insult or something?

Alien_Redrum1947: C3P0
Alien_Redrum1947: C3P0
Alien_Redrum1947: when are you going to give me your site link?
Alien_Redrum1947: hurry up
Alien_Redrum1947: money’s wasting
Alien_Redrum1947: bot
Alien_Redrum1947: bot
Alien_Redrum1947: bot
Alien_Redrum1947: bot

acme_generica: oh you mean one of those auto taalk things or something right.. lol. well if you were in my apartment right now id lift up my skirt for you and i think youd be convinced real quick
acme_generica: cyberfungirls dot ccom. look for me on that page

Alien_Redrum1947: liar
Alien_Redrum1947: see
Alien_Redrum1947: there it is
Alien_Redrum1947: bot
Alien_Redrum1947: bot

acme_generica: feel like a little cyber fun with me ? please please…

Alien_Redrum1947: yes
Alien_Redrum1947: but here
Alien_Redrum1947: not on your site
Alien_Redrum1947: and i get to be a cowboy named neon
Alien_Redrum1947: and you can be a cowboy named shiki
Alien_Redrum1947: we can play brokeback

acme_generica: oh well your loss. why dont you open up my profile and see what you missed out on. theres a link therre to my homepage where i have some real nice pics to leave with.

Alien_Redrum1947: you missed out, too

Alien_Redrum1947: i’m really brad pitt

I bet she’s sorry now!

Hilarity usually ensues…

One of the cool things about having a sister like mine—who will be referred to as Joy from now on—is she has a twisted sense of humor.

Like mine.

As mentioned previously, I suffered an eye accident about 30 years ago. Long story short, one stick plus one eye equals three operations and two different colored eyes.

Since it happened when I was a kid, it’s really no big deal to me anymore. I went through school being asked about my eyes all the time since kids will be kids and they are naturally curious.

But, as people get older, they lose the brutal honesty/curiosity kids have and they don’t ask honest questions because of the fear of offending.

And that fear is pretty fun to fuck with.

See, what my sister, Joy, likes to do is tell people who have never met me, and will be meeting me, is to not, under any circumstances, ask me about my eyes. Because, according to her, I’m very sensitive about them. I will get very angry. As a matter of fact, it’s best not to even look me in the eye, because I will think they are staring at me.

This, of course, is nonsense.

Then what Joy does is, of course, call me and tell me who she told.

Hilarity usually ensues.

Last time she did this was a couple years ago. My sister and I had planned to go to the renaissance festival, and she called me the night before that she had told Mike, one of her friends who would be joining us, not to ask me about my eyes or look at them. I said good enough, because we’d done it a few times and I knew the drill.

The next day I met them at the festival and Mike was pretty good at following orders because the sonovabitch did not make eye contact me for most of the day. I was getting frustrated.

Sometime in the afternoon, we sat down to get something to eat and my sister went to get the beers while Mike and I found a table. While we were sitting at the table, we were talking about something and he must have forgotten that he shouldn’t make I contact with me.

I didn’t.

“What the fuck dude!” I said, a little loudly. I’m not afraid to make a scene if humor is involved.

“What?” He asked. But he knew. I could tell.

“Why do you keep staring at my eyes! Fuck, man. YES! THEY ARE TWO DIFFERENT COLORS!”

“No! No, man! I wasn’t looking at your eyes! I was… We were just talking! I swear to God, man, I wasn’t looking at your eyes. I swear to God.”

“Whatever, man. Fuck this. I thought you were cool. Fuck this, man. I can’t even eat with you.” I said, picking up my plate and moving to another table.

I passed by Joy on her way back with the beers, and I was smirking. She knew.

I grabbed an empty table about four tables down where Joy and Mike were sitting, and I sat with my back to them. Otherwise, Mike would have seen me laughing.

A couple minutes later, I felt someone slug my arm. I turned to see Mike standing by the table. “You’re an asshole. You and your sister both.” He said. Then he laughed.

I gotta admit he was a pretty good sport about the whole thing. I have to respect someone who gets messed with by someone they barely know and they can laugh it off.

(On a side note, eating at WildOily does NOT cause blindness.  While not a popular name, I’m sure WildOily is a safe place to eat and will not cause loss of vision.  Eat safe at WildOily.)

Hey loser…

With Mother’s Day around the corner, I’m reminded of another story of my disfunctional family.

Many years ago (hell, probably close to 20), I had picked out a pretty damn good Mother’s Day card and little gift for my mom.  I thought it was pretty bad ass, myself.

Come Mother’s Day, I went downstairs to put my gift on the table for my mother to find, only to see this beautiful arrangement of flowers.  I mean, we’re talking a $50 bouquet here.  I thought to myself, “Damn, dad hooked mom up.”

About that time, my sister walked into the kitchen.

“Hey loser,” she said.  Her normal greeting to me.  Shit, it still is, now that I think about it.

“Shutup,” I replied.  My standard reply.  I’ve gotten much better with that one.

“Oh, how cute.  A knickknack and a card,” she said, referring to my gifts.  “That’s much better than what I got her.”

“What did you get her?”

“Just some flowers,” she smirked, nodding toward the table.

“Nuh uh!  Dad got her those!”

“Did he really?  Oh, look, there’s a card right there.”  She picked up the card in front of the vase.  “To mom.  From your loving daughter.”

“But you don’t even have a job!”  I yelled as I threw my measily gifts on the table and ran upstairs to the sounds of her laughter.

Well, my mom loved both her gifts, but I could tell from her reaction that she loved the flowers more.

Until, later on that day, one of the neighbors came by.

The neighbor asked my mother to tell my sister that she would appreciate it if she didn’t cut the flowers from her flowerbed.


My sister stole the flowers for my mom on Mother’s Day.

I guess, in its own way, its love.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out their, and here’s to hoping you don’t get stolen goods.