I guess Heart is no Eminem…

I called my sister the other day.

“Hello?” Joy answered.

“Hey, where’s Cody?” (for those of you just joining, Cody’s my nephew.)

“At his friend’s, why?”

“I wanted to see if he wanted to come up next weekend.”

“Come up where?” Joy asked. “Your house?


“Who is this?” Joy asked. She didn’t believe it.

For those who don’t know me, I hate people coming over to my house. Especially kids. Even relatives. I have a lot of what some people would call “crap” in my house. I call them collectibles. And I don’t want anyone muckity mucking up my shit. My niece and nephew have never spent the night at my house. Ever.

And, the funny thing is, they even joke about it. Once my niece told my sister that she didn’t like coming to my house because I made her eat and drink in the kitchen. Hey, no one is going to spill shit on my couch.

But Cody is 13, now. So I figured I’d let him come up and hang out and watch some movies.

Continuing with the conversation…

“Shutup, ass. Do you think he’d want to?”

“Probably. Call back later.”

Cody did, indeed, want to. And yesterday I picked him up, went and got chips and shit and watched movies (and he showed me how good he was on Guitar Hero). The Guitar Hero part was pretty damn cool because I made him play some cool songs. He refused to play Heart, though. I guess Heart is no Eminem.

We ended up watching Teminator, Clerks 2 and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. I have to admit, I’m a little proud the boy liked the Kevin Smith movies. Although there were things I had to explain what some things meant, and never to say them. (At least not until he’s 18, anyway).

One great scene in J&SBSB involved Jay being told that women didn’t like being called bitches. So, the way I look at it, it was an educational experience.

(Although I did tell him not to go to school and take back “porch monkey”. That wouldn’t be cool at all. He agreed.)

Taste, of course, is debatable…

I’ve been pretty busy the past couple of days working on some reviews for HorrorTalk, as well as redoing my other blog. Today, I was sending the remaining pictures from Jamaica to my buddy and my sister, and I figured it was high time to post an entry here.

As mentioned a post or two ago, I went to Jamaica for my sis’s wedding. I still have to talk about the “excellent” (sarcastic quotes) plane trip, but not just yet.

We stayed at the fabulous Sunset at the Palms in Negril. Let me tell you something, if you are going to Jamaica, I highly recommend that resort. Nothing but fantastic service on a fantastic resort. We stayed in a “Treetop Home”, which was just awesome. The coolest thing about it (other than it’s only two rooms per “home”, thus limiting your neighbors) is the shower. It doesn’t have just one showerhead, but two. And four jet spray thingies built into the wall. I managed to not get a picture of those. But I did snap a shot from the balcony (in the previous entry) and here’s a pic of the opposite side of that shot.

There were a lot of flowers and trees and crap around the resort, making you feel like you were really in some sort of treehouse.

Matt caught a gecko (or lizard, or whatever) right outside of our door. He put it in a glass. I’m pretty sure he let it go, but I’m not 100% sure. If he didn’t, I hope he at least put holes in the glass so it could breath.

I only left the resort twice the five days we were there. The first was a snorkling/picnic trip on a huge catamaran. I wasn’t much for the snorkling, but the picnic part was great. Not only was the food good, but the cove we rolled into was extremely picturesque.

I have some great pics of my niece and nephew snorkling, but I can’t post them or Joy, my sister, will call me up and yell. Apparently, my blog is a haven for pedophiles, and she will not have pedophiles looking at her kids. You guys are a bunch of sickos. No kiddie pics for you!

The other time I left the resort was for a shopping trip. One thing I hate is buying souvenirs from souvenir shops because I can never find anything I like. It’s all the same crap, and I refuse to buy someone something from another country that was not even made in that country and was mass produced. It just feels so…tacky. So I ended up just buying myself a coffee mug. Because I don’t mind tacky coffee mugs from different places I’ve been. That’s the type of guy I am.

Silly me, though, I should have at least bought some liquor from that one shop. If they worked as advertised, I’d be having one hell of a time.

After we escaped from the tourist traps, we headed to Rick’s Cafe, the highlight of the trip. Rick’s is a place where you can grab a beer or bite (or both), and watch locals and tourist dive off a forty foot cliff. The locals were doing it for tips. The tourists were doing it for nothing. I didn’t do it at all. But my 13-year-old nephew did it. With glee. I have to admit, I was impressed.

To get an idea how tall that is, go to a random building and count four windows up. It’s more or less that.

One thing I found amusing about Rick’s Cafe was the price of beer. What’s wrong with this picture:

Okay, I realize it’s an import there, but a Miller Lite is the same price as a Guiness? Damn.

I did buy a shirt at Rick’s. Normally, I don’t buy shirts when I’m on vacation. I do not feel the need to have a shirt that says JAMAICA or BERLIN or NEWARK. I dug the shirt I bought because Jamaica is printed in small letters. Under the words RICK’S CAFE. Yeah. I know.

There was a nice sunset at Rick’s. It was a little cloudy, but the sky was a wicked orangish (which is more apparent on the picture I should have uploaded).

After Rick’s, we headed back to the resort and ended up where we always ended up at the end of the day. The bar by the pool.

If you look really close in that second pic, you can see stools in the pool right in front of the bar. That’s so you can swim right up to the bar, have a seat and a drink without even leaving the pool. That’s right. Drinking and swimming. Always a good combination.

These next two pics weren’t taken on shopping day. I think they were taking the day before. Really, though, it’s irrelevant.

All in all, it was a much needed vacation. I did a lot of drinking, a lot of relaxing and had a lot of fun. And considering my taste in shirts and taste in drinks, Jamaica was the perfect place for me to spend my time. Taste, of course, is debatable.