The TV in my bedroom is bigger than the TV in my living room.

“So what do you have to trade?”

That’s the first thing Earl, my brother-in-law twice removed said to me when I answered the phone. (Note, like Joy, Earl is not his real name. But keeping with the whole “My Name is Earl” dynamic, that’s what he is called. If you don’t know that dynamic, read back or keep reading, it will come eventually.)

“What? Trade what? What the hell are you talking about?” I asked.

“For that TV. What do you want to trade for that TV?”

I thought about it. I’ve been wanting a bigger TV in my room for months, and I’ve been trying to buy my nieces, as it’s too big for her room and she never uses it anyway.

“I don’t know,” I said. “What do you want for it?”

“What TVs you have lying around?” He asked.

“I have that 27″ in my bedroom. That’s about it.”

“Okay. Give me that and give your niece $40. When do you want to pick it up?”

“I’ll be down this weekend.”

With that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I scored a 50″ LCD for a 27″ Trinitron. And I still owe my niece $40 because I forgot to pay her. Uncle of the year award goes to me.

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You forgot to pay the kid? Did you trample all over her toys and stuffed animals as you stole her TV too?


I know, I know. Completely douchy.


Your niece had a 50″ TV in her bedroom!?


Right! I'm doing society a favor by removing it.

Kids should get 27″ TVs, max.