What every fat-ass does…

My whole body hurts.

I was trimming this big ass bush that surrounds my deck yesterday. I hadn’t trimmed that bush in about 2 years, so I needed to knock quite a bit off.

Part of the trimming required me to stand on the deck and lean over the rail to cut the branches of the bush that creep onto the deck and ‘tickle’ peoples feet (on the occasion I have them over).

Well.

I was leaning on the rail, hedge trimmer running, and the rail gave away.

I went over.

Luckily, I was smart enough to release the trigger of the trimmer and fling it away from me. Also, luckily, it was only about a 3 foot drop.

But it was still a three foot drop into the bush. Without a shirt.

So, naturally I did the first thing every fat-ass does when he falls–especially when he’s not wearing a shirt–I made sure nobody was looking. Again, luckily, it went site unseen.

My stomach and chest, however, was a mess. No deep wounds, but plenty of scratches.

That fucking bush is coming out this summer.