Elvis never meant shit to me.

I think we have an extra for virgin fest if ur interested! — B. Random.

About a week ago I said B sends the best text messages, and that there’s just an other example on how she owns the competition.

Obvious virgin jokes aside, the Virgin Festival is a day of music and free shit. The line up included:

Sunday’s Roulette
The Birthday Massacre
St. Vincent
Mates of State
Holy F*ck
Lee Burridge
Taking Back Sunday
The Hold Steady
Danny Howells
The Bravery
The National
Public Enemy
Pete Tong
Girl Talk
Franz Ferdinand

Now, if I were in my early 20s, that would probably be a stellar line up, but since I’m not, there was really no one on that list I was dying to see. Except for two bands: Public Enemy and Girl Talk.

I immediately replied to B that, yes, dammit, I was interested and I asked her what the plan was. She told me that the only bands she wanted to see was Public Enemy and Girl Talk, too. Hot damn. Perfect.

So after some coordination, I met her up at her house, along with Dan and Jane (the girly who had the available ticket), we piled in B’s car and headed down to the show.

In a nutshell, Public Enemy was amazing. They only played for about an hour or so, due to the number of bands sharing that stage, but hell, it was everything I expected and more. Oddly, before the show I’ve never been much of a fan of Flavor Flav. I always felt his goofy antics took away from Chuck D’s powerful lyrics. However, after seeing them live, I now realize how important Flav is to the group, as he kept the show absolutely rolling, and one point even jumped down off the stage and paraded around the audience (he passed probably five feet in front of us). And considering Chuck D. just turned 50 (!!), that man can still bring the power (or, rather, fight it). My buddy Zig saw Public Enemy a couple months ago at the Rams Head and he said they had played for three hours! If they come to a small venue like that again around here, I’m all over it. I can’t stress enough how great their set was.

Since we had about an hour to blow before Girl Talk, B, Jane and I wandered around the fest to see the vendors and snag the free goods. I scored a Converse bag that I didn’t need and ‘won’ a misting fan that I’ll probably never use. I also made a shrinky dink key chain, that I promptly lost. B made like three keychains (I bet she still has hers) and Jane made two, but someone stole Jane’s from the table. Lame. There was also a fun exchange between B and some Shady Vendor about the price of a sticker, but dammit if I can’t remember the exact wording which sucks because it was certainly post worthy.

After wandering around a bit, we met back up with Dan (who had caught up with some friends) and proceeded to the stage for Girl Talk. If you aren’t aware (or didn’t bother clicking the link I posted for him), Girl Talk is a mashup artist that mixes Rock, Pop and HipHop. He’s not my favorite mashup artist, but he’s up there for sure. His show was full of mad energy, as not only was he completely into it, but he had brought up a bunch of people on stage to dance. It was just one big party. Oh, and a public service announcement to you kids who go to these shows: There’s a time and a place for sexy dancing. At a concert in a clusterfuck full of people is neither the time, nor the place. There were two bozos behind B and myself getting grindy, and it was pretty damn annoying (although I think at one point B was getting the brunt of it). However, B and I both managed to here this awesome conversation between the two:

“Do you have a cigarette?” says the girl.

“No,” replies the boy. “I don’t smoke.”

NICE! Not only are they all but fucking behind us, they had just met. It would have been perfect if we had heard, “So what’s your name?” Aaah, to be young and annoying again.

Eventually, right before Girl Talk ended his set, the girl blew by us super quick away from Grinding Gary. I don’t know why, but it took him a minute to realize his private dancer had left and he headed off to find her — which happened to be in our general direction. B saw this, and turned herself to talk to Jane, effectively cockblocking him. I saw what she was doing and silently laughed. It was a good move because dude was a big ‘that guy’ or, as I described him later, “straight Southern Maryland” (those who know, know), and B either stopped something ugly from happening, or saved the girl from some regret. I’m not usually for the cockblock, but this was a good move.

Soon after Girl Talk, we rolled out. We were back at B’s by 10:30, and right before I left to go home I asked B for a Fig preserves recipe that she had made and was pretty fantastic. She said, “You really want that, Stewie? You know there’s work involved, right? You have to boil the jars for 20 minutes, you have to prepare the figs, you have to…”

“Oh, fuck it. Never mind. Next time you make it, make some for me. I’ll throw some coin your way.”

I still don’t know how I feel about the fact that she completely called me on the recipe. 😆

I was home and damn near asleep by 11:30. Aside from the forever lost slinky dink, it was all that I expected and more. Oh, and the cost of this extravaganza (not including the beer purchases)?


I got at least $20 worth of fun out of it.

Now for some ghetto ass videos I shot with my phone (warning, these are tinny as hell, so adjust your speakers accordingly!).

Public Enemy (911 and Fight the Power):

Just the craziness of the Girl Talk stage:

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You motherfucker. You came to Columbia and didn't call me. I WAS FUCKING THERE TOO!


Holy shit. Dude, that sucks major donkey dingaling. Fuck. I should have called.



Fight the power, Stewie… fight the power.


I'm 100% black. That facebook quiz told me so.


That looks like quite the party. Pretty good video for a phone, too. Did you also direct Cloverfield)? LOVED that.


(My coding could use a proofreader)


Shit, I didn't even realize the tags worked. Sweet!

Hell, I'll even edit that on the back end.

Oh, and while I'm not J.J. Abrams, I was in a documentary that he was in. We weren't in the same room. Or even the same state. But that doesn't stop me from claiming I was in a movie with J.J. Abrams, though.


Your coding is fine, nothing to see here, move along people.