They fuck you at the drive-thru.

I’ve probably used that title before. Hell, I’d bet money on it. But it’s a more-than accurate representation how a business will fuck you any chance they get. It’s a term my sister and I use often, and its origins are from Lethal Weapon 2 when Joe Pesci’s character (rightly) goes on a diatribe on how, when you order through the drive-thru, you get fucked because you’ll be halfway down the street before you realize you are and chances are, you aren’t turning around. Hell, my friend (the only person who still reads this; if he’s still reading this) used to tell the employees at the Burger King he frequented that he wanted the dine-in fries and not the drive-thru fries; and they knew what he meant.

So, anyway, who fucked me? My local Ford dealership. This is going to get long.

I’ve been a Ford owner since 1993 when I bough my first new vehicle. A 1993 Ford Ranger. I drove that bitch into the ground. Well over 100,000 miles by the time I was done. Loved that truck so much, I replaced it with a 2002 Ford Ranger. After I was done with that, I fell in love with the Escape and purchased a 2012 model. That ended up being totaled by some scumfuck texting and driving and I picked up a 2018 Escape.

While (more or less) the 2018 Escape has been fine, there have been little niggles that have put it in the shop. First was a strange noise coming from underneath the dash. I want to say I took it in, bu they couldn’t figure it out. After some Google searching, I found the solution myself and took it back in. That fixed the issue.

The second issue I had soon after is my lights would dim completely randomly then go back on. The problem was it was random, so I had to leave my vehicle with them for a few days. I asked for a loaner (more on this in a minute) and they said they couldn’t provide one. Since I only have the one vehicle, I rented a car during this period. They had the car for like three or four days, and couldn’t find the issue. So I was out a few hundred bucks for the cost of the rental AND A FUCKING CAR THAT WAS STILL LOSING POWER RANDOMLY. Fortunately, one Saturday it happened again, I immediately drove it to the dealer, and the car up in died in the garage. The dude came out, looked under the hood, and tightened the battery cable that was loose. FFS. You can read that whole ordeal here.

So, now we’re here. I’m at 33,000 miles and I was having some slight issues. There was some shimmying when the vehicle was in park. I was hearing a some squeaking, like a belt going bad, after I started it that would go away soon after the vehicle got running, there was a recall due, and my normal maintenance. Since I was close to my 36,000 mile warranty going out, I figured I’d do it all at once. So I took it in. The lady told me I’d have to leave it for at least a day since that squeak happened on startup. I asked for a loaner vehicle. She was obviously hesitant to give me one until I got irritated and said last time they didn’t give me one, I was out a few hundred bucks for a fucking battery cable not installed. She got a little pissy, but relented and said she would have one in a month. Fuck it, fine by me.

I turned my car in last week. The day after I turned it in, the manager called me and said they couldn’t find the issue. I said, no problem. Take your time. I have a loaner. The day after that he called and said they found the issue. I asked what it was. He said the engine needs to be replaced. The Engine Needs To Be Replaced. Shockingly, I wasn’t all that bothered by it. I asked if my warranty reset since this was going to be a new engine. He said no. That doesn’t make any sense, but whatever. I knew I had bought an extended warranty, which was pretty good. Uh…

I got home that night and pulled my paperwork and checked my extended warranty. Now, when I paid for the thing, I assumed (I know, I know) that it would be an official Ford warranty. Imagine my surprise to find it wasn’t. Instead it was some third party bullshit warranty. So I looked more into this fly-by-night bullshit company called Millennium Automotive Protection. Holy shit, what a fucking scam this company is.

First, I Google searched them. There is no online presence. No website, no Facebook, no nothing. There is some weird site that Google shows, but when you click on “give me a quote”, it goes to another site. Red flag, right?

Then I Google the phone number 855.807.2885. What a got were pages full of warranty companies, none of which were Millennium Automotive Protection. Red flag, right?

Then I searched the Better Business Bureau for this shitshow. Yeah, nothing but complaints on how these assholes have an excuse on how they won’t pay for your claim. You can read those here. Red flag, right?

So naturally, I was infuriated. This fucking trash dealership sold me a third party warranty with no (or shady at best) online presence, multiple companies come up when you search the phone number, and multiple complaints on the BBB. I had so many questions, mainly why in the fuck would they not sell me a Ford warranty. So armed with all of this, I went to the dealer.

You know how no one trusts car salesmen. Yeah, this dealership epitomizes that. Their warranty/finance department is straight scum. To make a too-long story shorter, I showed the guy all the stuff I found (and couldn’t find) regarding this warranty and told him I wanted off. He couldn’t answer many of my questions, mainly just reverting back to defending this shitty piece of paper, but it was irrelevant. (However, one thing he said struck me that I will definitely be mentioning in my letters to Ford, the BBB and possibly the AG of my state — I know all of which will amount to nothing, but if it gets them an annoying phone call, it will be worth it — is when said they don’t offer Ford warranties. WTF. He did say that they would sell them if the customer asked, but they don’t offer Ford warranties. Fucking really?)

So, he pro-rated my amount to $1,600 or so. I told him not to pull the trigger yet because I wanted to get an official Ford warranty before he did so. He said he could do that there and I said unless you can beat $1,700, it’s probably not worth it. Closest he could get was $2,600. lol. Okay.

Side bar, I did a lot of research on this. If you buy a Ford DO NOT BUY THE DEALER WARRANTY WITHOUT CHECKING FLOOD FORD ESP FIRST. Seriously. They will destroy any quote and it’s an official Ford warranty. Also, only purchase this when you are close to your dealer 3 year/36k mile warranty or you’re just wasting money. Naturally, do your research, but I bought one and it went through just fine. I verified with both Ford (by calling them) and my dealer (had them pull it up. Since I (thought I) was getting $1,600 back, I built a sweet package.

Here’s the old:

Shitty Warranty Company Who Will Never Approve Your Claim

  • 6 years/100k miles, “bumper to bumper”
  • $200 Deductible
  • No Rental Car Agreement
  • No Lights Covered
  • (Original) Cost: $2,600

New Official Ford Warranty

  • 6 years/100k miles, “bumper to bumper”
  • $0 Deductible
  • 1st Day Rental Car (I get a car no matter what for warranty service)
  • Premier Rental Car Agreement ($60-a-day reimbursement for up to 10 days)
  • All Interior and Exterior Lights Covered
  • Cost: $1,965

See the massive difference? Plus, that Ford warranty is right in the computer, so don’t need that bullshit Micky Mouse warranty paper if I even need work done. If I breakdown on vacation, I’m a-okay.

So I go back the night before last to get my check since everything is live. The woman who helped me this time informs me I don’t, in fact, get a check. The money goes back to the lien. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK WHY WASN’T I TOLD THIS? She’s going through the motions, and I said, “When does Ryan work again?” She told me. I said, “You can stop. I want him to tell me why he didn’t inform me.”

Dude straight up led me to believe I was getting a check.

I went back the next night fully realizing this was a battle I was going to lose, and I did. The money goes to the lien and not to me. The 2k isn’t going to break me, but it hurts more than it would if it were just the $400 I was expecting to owe. Yes, the argument can be made that I am getting that money back, but fuck you. That’s in three years.

After I get my car back, I plan on writing Ford, the BBB and the AG using a modified version of this post and the one I linked to above. Like I said, I fully expect nothing to come out of it, but if someone gets an ass reaming over it, even if I don’t know, or, even better, jobs are lost, it will be worth it.

I have to hand it to that dealership, not only did they put me off from ever buying a vehicle from them again, I honestly can’t see myself buying another Ford at this point.

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Kevin Kango

Yeah, I still read it. Ya gotta let me know when you update it though, since that’s like 3 times a year. 🙂