There is a difference between thick and fat ass…

Why do people random IM me?

I get them often enough to wonder what, exactly, is in my profile that says, “Hey! There is nothing I would like more than to chat with YOU!”

In particular, men.

Seriously guys, I don’t want to chat with you. The three friends I have are plenty.

Here is a transcript I had the other day…

Java18345 – Hey, what’s up?

Me – Do I know you?

Java18345 – No

Me – This is random?

Java18345 – Yeah

Me (after checking the profile and not seeing a pic) – You a dude?

Java18345 – Yeah

Me – I gotta go

Then I put his dumb ass on ignore.

Hey poindexters, a little bit of advice…

If you ever want to get out of the basement of the science building, instant message WOMEN!

Unless, of course, you are gay, then I guess it’s okay to random men. Except me. No offense, I could give a shit if your gay, but if I’m going to chat with someone I don’t know, it’s going to be with a woman. Preferably a hottie. Dating status of said hottie is irrelevant.

Oh, and one more thing, you big girls, stop randoming me.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with y’all, but you need to find a man who is attracted to that. Big women aren’t my thing, and since they aren’t my thing, I have no need to talk to you.

Thick girls, on the other hand, by all means, shout! But, for the love of God and all that is holy, don’t lie to yourselves. There is a difference between thick and fat ass. You better damn well know it before you random IM me.