I remember this one time when I peed on my sister.
Growing up, my sister and I did everything we could to get the other in trouble. It is the first chapter in the unwritten book on sibling rivalry, “Get the other in trouble as much as you can.” However, the problem was that she was better at getting me in trouble because, one, I did more stupid things and, two, she lied more and she lied better than me.
So one day I had been running around outside doing God knows what and, suddenly, I realized I had to pee. Bad. You know, the kind of pee that just sneaks up on you. One second your fine, the next your bladder is about to explode. It still happens to me now when I’ve been playing X-Box for too long. I’ll be playing a game for a while, pause it to get a drink or something to eat, then suddenly it’s like “HOLY SHIT! I GOTTA GO!”
Anyway, on that particular day back in 1978 or ’79, I didn’t think I could make it all the way into the house — especially all the way upstairs to the bathroom. That was just too far. So, I did what I had to do…
I started peeing on the side of the house.
Low and behold, just as the stream started flowing, my sister comes running around from the other side and punches me in the arm. “Ooooohhhhhhh! I’m tellinnnnnnn’! You are going to get in so much trouble when I tell mom what you are doing.”
There wasn’t much thought in my next action. I just figured if I was going get in trouble, I might as well make it worth my while.
So I turned and pissed on her.
Yeah, I got in trouble. But it was worth it.