An unchecked force…

You often here people say “If I only knew then what I know now.”

That is so true.

Especially in high school. If I only knew in high school what I know now, I would have not only probably had a steady girlfriend, but most likely have lost my virginity a lot sooner.

But not only was I stupid (life wise) in HS, but I was dumber than the average male. I mean dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Here’s a prime example of my luck with the ladies…

My junior year, I was friends with a foreign exchange student named Lars. He was from Sweden. He was cool because he knew pretty decent English and he liked hard rock (hard rock at the time was, of course, Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, White Snake, etc. You know, real kick ass headbangers. Not like those pussies Metallica). Anyway, he was in my homeroom and we became friends from the first day he showed up. If I recall correctly, his host family’s son was a cock. He was one of the preppie football players and he didn’t think Lars was cool because he wore concert shirts. So he completely disassociated himself from Lars once they got off the bus at school. Shit, it’s bad enough that the dude is thousands of miles from home, but then to be shunned by the person who is supposed to be showing him around is even worse. That’s just one of the reasons why I hated most of those fucks at my school. But I digress…

Anyway, there was another exchange student that same year. From Spain. Her name was Patricia.

Oh. Dear. Lord.

I fell in love the moment I saw her. She was absolutely beautiful. If I look hard enough, I may still have her graduation picture in one of my boxes in the basement (she was a senior). Pathetic, probably. But she is still one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen. If Selma with Penelope (Cruz) had a lesbian love affair, and by some miracle produced a child, and that child was from Spain and went to the U.S. as an exchange student in 1989, her name would be Patricia. She was absolutely stunning (and probably still is).

Lars, Patricia and I had the same English class. I don’t recall learning much English that year (or semester or however long it was) because most of my time was spent pining over my Spanish amour’. She didn’t know it yet, but she was going to have my babies. And the reason she didn’t know it yet was probably because I never told her. Or even talked to her for that matter. I couldn’t talk to her. I’d just get stupid around her. More so than I already was.

But, fortunately, Lars did talk to her. Anyone who has ever had foreign exchange students in their school should have noticed that they all stick together, or at least know each other. Seeing that they are strangers in a strange land, they have an unspoken bond. I don’t know how they find each other, but they always do.

Since Lars talked to me and he talked to her, he knew I liked her, but could not figure out why I wouldn’t ask her out, much less even speak to her. I couldn’t tell the guy I was intimidated. Hell, I was 16! Girls didn’t scare me! But that was the long and short of it. She was so pretty, I was scared to talk to her. Stupid, yes, but I was 16 and dumb even for a 16 year old.

Finally, one day Lars told me Patricia asked him why I didn’t ask her out. He said she told him she saw me looking at her all the time, but I never talked to her. He told me to ask her out. So I did. And she said yes. (On a side note, Lars told me later that he was lying about the whole conversation with her, she never said such things and she had no idea that I checked her out every given opportunity. She verified this on our date. I was money and didn’t even know it.)

So I took her out to dinner and bowling (hey, I already said I was stupid) and had a helluva time. I think she did, too.

When we got back to the house she was staying at, she invited me in. We’re standing there in the foyer and she thanked me for a fun time. I said the same. She said (and I will never forget this as long as I live), “My host parents are probably asleep by now.”

I replied with, “Well, we better not wake them up.”

And I left.

My stupidity does not have a limit. There is no cap on it. It is like a never ending energy force that runs unchecked.

If I only knew then what I know now.

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You, sir, are your own CBer.



Ahh… the idiocies of youth.

Freak Magnet

I can only imagine if she had said no when you asked her out.

You’d probably be a serial killer of pretty Spanish women.