I think I just paid 13 bucks for toothpaste…

I’m in Paris.

My plane landed about five hours ago.

I haven’t had any sleep in about 25 hours.

I dozed on the plane off and on, but that’s not sleep. That’s closing your eyes for 10 minutes at a time, only to be shaken awake by turbulance.

However, I will not complain about the plane ride. Here’s why…

I arrive at Dulles Airport at about three o’clock in the PM yesterday. The flight was slated to leave at 5:45, boarding at 5:00. Fortunately, I got there early enough to get an aisle seat. But I still had to wait in line for about half an hour to check in. But I got an aisle seat. So it was all good.

Another 20 minute wait in the security line, and I was on my way. To add to that, I didn’t get randomly pulled out of line for a spot check. Yay for me, I’m well ahead of the game.

So, time goes by and eventually the plane boards. I’m walking behind an elderly woman on the plane, who is struggling to find her seat. She turned to me and asked if I could help her. Normally, I would just point out the stewardess and be on my way, but since the lady was holding me up, it would just go quicker if I helped her myself. So I checked her ticket to see what seat she was in, all the while praying to God she didn’t pass it already. Those plane aisles are narrow enough as it is, and being barely able to walk wasn’t going to bode well for her if she had to go back the other way.

Back to it…

So I checked her ticket. And then I checked mine. They were the same seat.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

1. I like older woman. MILFs give me teh hot. But she was not a MILF. So she definitely wasn’t sitting on my lap.

2. I was going to lose my aisle seat. As much as a dick I like to be, there would be no way I’d make this woman sit in between people.

I grabbed the closest stewardess and informed her of the situation. She looked at the tickets and said, “I’ll take care of this.”

I said, “And by taking care of it, you mean that I will still get an aisle seat, right?”

“I’ll do my best.”

Oh, I was already getting hot. But, the suck thing is, you can’t get hot in that situation, or your ass is getting arrested. They just don’t f around with airline safety, anymore.

The lady disappears for a couple minutes and comes back with new tickets. “Miss So-and-so,” she said, “you’re in 37C. Mr. Redrum, you are now in business class.”

Oh dayum.

BC in the hizzy.

I don’t feel like explaining the difference between business class and economy class right now because then I would have to go into why business class rocks on an eight hour flight.

But for those that know, you know.

Yeah, I’m tired as hell, but things are going pretty sweet thus far.

Except I think I just paid 13 bucks for a tube of toothpaste today.