Things I Learned In France

*note, this one was obviously written on the plane.*

Right now I’m on a plane at the Charles de Gaulle Airport, waiting for take off, and already missing Paris.

Admittedly, I didn’t expect much from Paris. It’s always been one of those places “I wouldn’t mind seeing” given the opportunity, but it was never one of those “I gotta see this place before I die!” types. Well, after this past week, it should have been.

Paris is beautiful. There is really nothing more to add. I was simply blown away by the beauty Paris had to offer.

Here some other things I noticed in Paris…

1. The women are as beautiful as the city. Of all the places I’ve been, Russia used to smoke the competition. Used to. Russia, I’d like to introduce you to the number one contender. France.

2. They don’t where berets in France. As a matter of fact, the only person I saw wearing a beret was an American tourist.

3. French people are not only very nice, they will help you. Yes, contrary to the stereotype, all you have to do is show some courtesy and attempt to help yourself and the French will not snub you.

4. Even in France, French poodles suck.

5. No matter what country you are in, a person with their hand in the back pocket of their girlfriend/boyfriend looks ghey. It’s ghey squared when they each have their hand in each other’s back pocket.

6. When crossing the street, and traffic is heavy, simply walk out with your right hand in the “stop” position, gesture to you and your friends with your left hand, admonish the driver for being rude and not slowing down for you and proceed to cross. Thanks to Stephanie for that helpful lesson.

7. There are no fat people. But this is easily explained. Because of the narrow streets, small elevators and slim hallways, if you get too big, you are forced to leave the country because, sadly, there is literally no room for you. I, of course, was an exception because they knew I was only going to be there for a week. If I was going to be there longer, there was a special fat-boy visa I would have had to applied for.

8. Crepes and waffles kick much ass.

9. There are a lot of roads in Paris that don’t have lanes painted on them. I like to call those “free for alls.” There are a lot of roads in Paris that do have lanes painted on them. I like to call those “free for alls.” To add, motorcycles (which there were a lot of) can drive anywhere. Literally.

10. Riding in the cab around the Arc De Triumph scared the shit out of me. And I’m not afraid to admit it.

11. There is no such thing as French toast in France.

12. However, there are french fries.

13. No matter what Anthony says, the sun will come out.

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Nice to see SOMEBODY found the nice people in Paris. I missed ’em both trips.


Fries are Belgian, dipshit.


no, because then they would be called Belgian fries wouldn’t they?



8. Crepes and waffles kick much ass.

Indeed they do my friend, indeed they do.

I’ve always found with Paris, you get a much better reception if you at least try to speak a bit of the lingo instead of the usual SPEAKING VERY LOUDLY AND SLOWLY LIKE THEY’RE STUPID technique.

Did you try croque monsieur? Snack food of the gods!


Oh yeah! I did. I got a ham, egg and cheese one.

Yes, sir, they do rock.