I didn’t believe her…

Circa 1986…



“Stewie, c’mere!”

“What! No!”

“Stewie, c’mere! There’s something wrong with the toilet!”

“Fix it, then!”

“No, seriously! C’mere! There’s something wrong!”

Irritated, I left the comfort of my room to see what Joy was hollering about. She was standing in the bathroom door.


“Look in the toilet, there’s something wrong with it.”

“No. You probably went poop or something. I’m not looking at your poop.”

Joy feigned hurt. “I swear to God I didn’t poop.”

I didn’t believe her.

“I’m not looking in the toilet.”

“No, I swear to God,” she said again. “Please, I don’t want to get in trouble. Just look in and see what’s wrong with it.”

I looked in the toilet. She was right, she didn’t poop.

“What… what is… what is tha… OH MY GOD I FUCKING HATE YOU!”

I ran out of the bathroom, screaming like a bitch. I could hear Joy yelling behind me between fits of laughter.

“Jesus, stop acting like a sissy. You act like you’ve never seen a bloody tampon before.”

I hadn’t, and it scarred me for life.

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Omg Joy’s my hero